Is sole destroying. I carp carry on like this. 

For cod’s hake don’t do a masters. 


Choo chew 

Types of people you encounter on trains:

1) Middle aged men off to the football/rugby getting smashed at 9am with a plastic bag of tinnies and a lot of bad chat. No thanks Barry I do not want to watch Rita Sue and Bob 2 or talk about the sausage scenes. Ew. 

2) Women on hen dos. Crack out the rose gals cause it’s gonna be a loud ride. Particularly grating when they have thick welsh accents as you can’t even hear their sordid plans. 

3) Forlorn students. Perhaps it wasn’t a great idea to see your grandparents on a come down? 

4) Old couples with The Times crosswords with a nice back-and-forth over the EU. Please do us all a favour and brexit the carriage.

5) Buisnessmen with out of date laptops. What is it about their 90s style technology and diplomatic phone calls. Your phone was always going to cut out, you knew this. Therefore why did you make the call or even receive it. Baffling.

6) The nutter. With a voice that sounds like they swallowed some custard that just won’t go down – the in depth story of how they met their second husband on world of war craft commences. 

Death becomes her

Grief is overwhelming. As remarked by every well know writer pretty much in the history of the world. It is actually also a feeling that I find, is relatively easy to explain but incredibly hard to understand. Reading (as I tend to do a lot) always relates back to death in whatever novel/paper/poem I decide to look at. So here are a few books for you, if you like me find solace in literature, to lose yourself in. This is in no endorsement that they make you feel better (whatever that means) but to feel normal/less like you are losing your mind.

  1. H is for Hawk – simply amazing and a cornucopia of themes that merge seamlessly.
  2. How to be both – strong female characters and beautifully written.
  3. Wuthering Heights – who doesn’t enjoy this dark and twisted fantasy.


It is a truth universally acknowledged that a couple spending increasing amounts of time together is doomed. All hale the obsessive compulsion to leave early from nights out, not even attend the night at all and generally be totally absorbed in your boyfriend/girlfriend.
Clinging on means you don’t have to acknowledge the fact (publicly at least) that your relationship is failing. Well let me just tell you we all know. We know your boyfriend is a total perve. We know your girlfriend is too good for you. Don’t pretend that we don’t know that you know. We do.
In the end you are just waiting for one of you to end it. To finally push the other one so far away from reality (and social life) that they have to come clean first.
Sure you’re scared… but what’s scarier than the amount of time you wasted with someone you didn’t really want.


This post hopefully introduces you to the greatest Instagram account of all time @grapespotting. Once you discover the incredible trend for elderly women to wear purple, prepare to become obsessed. They are literally everywhere. Once this initial amazement wanes try your hand at contributing. Past attempts have included trying to capture two grapes via selfie on the tube. A third popped into the shot and hey presto – it made my week. Not only this, the endless amount of grape puns will keep you inventive on the hashtag. I hope you’re grapeful for the recommendation!


Workplace ‘Banter’


There was little old me making a cup of tea in the office kitchen. Another terrible Tuesday morning which was just about to get worse.

A new lawyer had just joined my team. He was pretty good looking in a ‘best-of-the-office’ kind of way. He sidled up to me and some other colleagues and hit me with this:

‘You know there are two types of people in this world. To demonstrate – if the world was Argos there are those that are the front of house, customer facing people. Then there are the people that would be in the back of the stock room, away from everyone. You would be the latter.’

In fact not a day went by when he didn’t mention my gender (apparently I wouldn’t like anything he watched because of his bad taste I was a girl) and at one office party decided to explain, in great depth, how bodies are cremated. To a colleague who’s mum had just died.

Another colleague actually informed my secretary who was about to get married, how men only care about two things on their wedding day. Whether the dress is white and how much cleavage is on show.

But hey – I mean it’s all just banter isn’t it?

Queer Data 

Ours is undoubtedly an age of easily accessible one night liasions with yourself. It is now often noted than more than ever women are turning their hand to this late night activity as much as men.

Whilst many write articles on the moral dilemma of porn, the emancipation of females and the perils of the Internet – I want to discuss a fairly recent phenomenon which has occurred amongst my friends. They are seriously questioning their sexuality. When faced with Porn Hub’s multitude of categories and fetishes; they are clicking on lesbian and they are not alone. Drunken taxi rides began to become worried confessionals, so I started to do some digging.

When discussing this amongst my male friends it suddenly seemed to make sense. When men watch heterosexual porn they claimed, they imagine themselves as that male. So perhaps when women see other women have sex because it is less focused on penetrative sex, they far more aptly place themselves in either of the roles?  This theory ends when you ask about male-male sex watched by women. Actually women are watching male-male videos more than men. They also watch ‘hardcore’ and ‘rough’ categories more than men – so penetration doesn’t seem to scare us.

Sexuality can not be constrained into categories and I realise constructing theories from Porn Hub alone ( and confessions of friends is limited; but sexual trends are happening independently of interaction, that is talking to each other and therefore influencing each other, in my social group and beyond. It’s influence from media may play a part in this, but ultimately in the dark depths of our room we listen less to perceived trends and more to the inner fantasies and curiosities we bury. By Porn Hub’s demographics – if you searched an average woman’s (who watches porn) internet history, the impression you would get is that they were homosexual.

How does this reflect on the individuals’ sexuality? Do we consciously restrict ourselves in reality from the things we find sexually attractive? I have no straight answer.